Survival Mode
I hate just surviving. I prefer to thrive. Brett lovingly refers to me as "Worker Bee" because I like to work. I like to be active. I don't like sitting for long, and I do not being lazy. I am definitely not "super mom" but I really enjoy being a good mom.
And, yet, in my current state, I am surviving. I know it doesn't last forever, but I just do not like who I am when I am sick/tired. Caleb has asked for a new mommy a few times, and I don't blame him. I am zero fun.
I was pondering this today, and while I do not believe God is the author of sickness....I do think He uses all things to our good....so I am trying to find the good. OBVIOUSLY, the very good is that a baby comes at the end....that is definitely enough. But I am trying to find the good now.
Being sick forces me to let go. My house isn't very clean. Laundry is not really getting done. We've had frozen pizza like 4 times this week. My kids have watched way too much TV. Brett is pretty much on all the time when he's home. I haven't gotten to see my friends nearly as much as I'd like.
But guess what? We've all survived. I am very glad it's only for a season, but maybe it's a good lesson to learn....let go of the less important things in life.
The way God designed me is that I feel better when my home is in order....but I am trying to lower my expectations (my house isn't flawless or anything....but I probably spend more time than I need to on it).
I know my expectations have slowly changed over the years, so maybe this is part of the process to chip away at my flaws :).
I also know it will cause me to really embrace life again once it's over!! I will look forward to things that I have been taking for granted.
Ok, this is another rambling post. Maybe the more I write about looking for the good, I will actually see it :).
(Clearly, I know that feeling so sick is so small in the scheme of life....and I understand millions of people have it way worse. I just need a place to vent, ok!)
You're so funny! I really hope you start feeling better soon! Thankfully you have a great husband around to help out. I can't imagine having morning sickness and also having kids to take care of at the same time. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah we are praying for you. I remember all too well these exact same feelings you are going through and you are so faithful to look at the circumstance as a chance to grow as oppose to an opportunity to have a pity party. As you said this is a season of life (a flash, a moment in time) in the big picture. It's in these hard times that God teaches us the biggest lessons of all if we are open to it and sometimes HE gives us the biggest blessings of all especially when we make the choice to ask for a change of heart instead of a change of circumstance. Your being sick is your sign that you have a healthy baby growing inside of you! This too shall pass and in the mean time I found it helpful when I was going through this in the first trimester to focus and meditate on Phil 4:8 "Whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things!" You take control of your thoughts and don't beat yourself up inside. This helped me get over some of those things that are so hard to let go.....and focus on the good...the house may be a mess, our kids may be in the same clothes 2 days in a row and eating frozen pizza but there are so many wonderful blessings going on in your lives right now it's ok to not be "perfect"! Find contentment in the little things that get you through your day and cut yourself some slack you have a lot on your plate and if anyone can do it it's you! This too shall pass, you will be back on your feet in no time being the overachiever you are! :) miss you
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way the past two pregnancies! It's always harder when your kids are older and notice that your not the same Mommy. I remember Cal asking when I was going to play with him again, and when I told him it was b/c the baby was making me sick; he wanted to know "why do you keep having babies in your stomach" :) hope yours passes soon.
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