Survival Mode

I hate just surviving. I prefer to thrive. Brett lovingly refers to me as "Worker Bee" because I like to work. I like to be active. I don't like sitting for long, and I do not being lazy. I am definitely not "super mom" but I really enjoy being a good mom.

And, yet, in my current state, I am surviving. I know it doesn't last forever, but I just do not like who I am when I am sick/tired. Caleb has asked for a new mommy a few times, and I don't blame him. I am zero fun.

I was pondering this today, and while I do not believe God is the author of sickness....I do think He uses all things to our good....so I am trying to find the good. OBVIOUSLY, the very good is that a baby comes at the end....that is definitely enough. But I am trying to find the good now.

Being sick forces me to let go. My house isn't very clean. Laundry is not really getting done. We've had frozen pizza like 4 times this week. My kids have watched way too much TV. Brett is pretty much on all the time when he's home. I haven't gotten to see my friends nearly as much as I'd like.

But guess what? We've all survived. I am very glad it's only for a season, but maybe it's a good lesson to learn....let go of the less important things in life.

The way God designed me is that I feel better when my home is in order....but I am trying to lower my expectations (my house isn't flawless or anything....but I probably spend more time than I need to on it).

I know my expectations have slowly changed over the years, so maybe this is part of the process to chip away at my flaws :).

I also know it will cause me to really embrace life again once it's over!! I will look forward to things that I have been taking for granted.

Ok, this is another rambling post. Maybe the more I write about looking for the good, I will actually see it :).

(Clearly, I know that feeling so sick is so small in the scheme of life....and I understand millions of people have it way worse. I just need a place to vent, ok!)

Comments

  1. The Navy BeanNovember 9, 2011 at 11:26 AM

    You're so funny! I really hope you start feeling better soon! Thankfully you have a great husband around to help out. I can't imagine having morning sickness and also having kids to take care of at the same time. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AshlieBNovember 9, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Oh Sarah we are praying for you. I remember all too well these exact same feelings you are going through and you are so faithful to look at the circumstance as a chance to grow as oppose to an opportunity to have a pity party. As you said this is a season of life (a flash, a moment in time) in the big picture. It's in these hard times that God teaches us the biggest lessons of all if we are open to it and sometimes HE gives us the biggest blessings of all especially when we make the choice to ask for a change of heart instead of a change of circumstance. Your being sick is your sign that you have a healthy baby growing inside of you! This too shall pass and in the mean time I found it helpful when I was going through this in the first trimester to focus and meditate on Phil 4:8 "Whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things!" You take control of your thoughts and don't beat yourself up inside. This helped me get over some of those things that are so hard to let go.....and focus on the good...the house may be a mess, our kids may be in the same clothes 2 days in a row and eating frozen pizza but there are so many wonderful blessings going on in your lives right now it's ok to not be "perfect"! Find contentment in the little things that get you through your day and cut yourself some slack you have a lot on your plate and if anyone can do it it's you! This too shall pass, you will be back on your feet in no time being the overachiever you are! :) miss you

    ReplyDelete
  3. Whimsy WorldNovember 10, 2011 at 10:59 PM

    I felt the same way the past two pregnancies! It's always harder when your kids are older and notice that your not the same Mommy. I remember Cal asking when I was going to play with him again, and when I told him it was b/c the baby was making me sick; he wanted to know "why do you keep having babies in your stomach" :) hope yours passes soon.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear from you!

Popular posts from this blog

The Book I May or May Not Write

I have the nicest friends in the world.  When I write a short, quippy thing my kid said on Facebook, my very nicest friends will say, "I can't wait for you to write a book." I sort of feel like people are American Idoling me....you know, encouraging me to do something I'm passionate about even though I am not really good at it---never thinking I would actually have the audacity to pursue it---but then they're in too deep with the lie....but even so, those comments make me feel good.  (Which is kind of weird, possibly narcissistic, because it's actually my kids being entertaining, and not my words.  Yet I press on.) I wrote for 31 days straight in October, and I discovered maybe I am not so good at writing more than 2 sentences at a time.  So I decided maybe writing a book wasn't in my future. But then I spent a lot of time thinking during November and realized that, even if no one reads what I write, I think it would be really fun to put into words w...
Read more

Another Child One Day

Going back through my posts, I realized I had a few blogs I wrote but never published. One is when I was wavering between adopting or birthing our fourth child. One thing is for sure: our family is not complete. I cannot explain that other than I just know. For awhile there, I was strongly contemplating adopting, but for now, I am leaning more towards birthing the last child. In fact, I am most certain, God willing, that is what our plans are. We are trying to decide when to try to have a baby. And by "try", I mean get pregnant. I have many weaknesses, but fertility is not one of them. In case you can't tell. Our kids are fairly close, so one part of me wants to get pregnant in about 9-10 months....and be done. Forever!! But another part of me wonders if I should take a longer break. See, I have this really weird feeling (that is probably not going to happen) that I will have twins. For one, Brett has always wanted five kids, and I only want four. Things jus...
Read more

Christmas Traditions

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Along with pretty much everyone else, this is my most favorite holiday. As my children age, it just keeps getting better and better!! Establishing traditions is one of my goals during the holiday season. I am a sentimental person, and I am hopeful my kids will grow up with fond memories of their childhood Christmases. Most, if not all, of my traditions are not original. I glean ideas from others and make it my own. The Happy Home Fairy is a wonderful resource for making your holiday magical. The Williams Family traditions: - We stay home for Christmas. We travel during the holiday break, but for Christmas Eve and Day, we are home. To be honest, this was hard to do because I know family members on both sides want to see our kids, but I wanted to do what was best for our family. We welcome anyone who wants to come visit on Christmas, so we are great to have others in our home. And there are many reasons we choose to stay home. ...
Read more