We are one week away from becoming a family of six. Sometimes I wonder how we got here so fast. My childhood dream was to be a wife and mom....and I am beyond thankful that God allowed my dream to come true at a young age. Four kids by 30. Whew, that happened fast. I cannot thank the Lord enough for blessing me with the dreams of my heart.....He has surpassed my dreams, actually. Though I have always wanted to be a wife and a mom, I did not have any idea that I would love it as much as I do. I love my life. Even the hardest days end with me being so grateful this is my life. So, so grateful.
I cannot wait for my little boy to arrive and complete our family (biologically, at least). I have a feeling our family isn't "full" (because even at 9 months pregnant, we talk about adoption), but biologically, I am done.
There is about 95% of me that is beyond happy I will never be pregnant again this time next week.
But there's a part of me that cannot believe this chapter of my life is coming to a close. It just happened so fast. For seven years, I have been in the "child bearing" years: pregnancy, nursing, thinking about getting pregnant, trying not to get pregnant, wanting to get pregnant, giving birth, etc have all filled my thoughts. We have had to plan our lives around child bearing. There is always the feeling of gratitude for the kids we have but knowing we weren't done.
But now we are done. And it is so strange.
Don't get me wrong: this pregnancy has been hard. But in a week, it will be over. And in another week, it probably won't have seemed so hard. I will still be done, though :).
I can give my maternity clothes away. When my baby outgrows his clothes/toys/gear, I can pass them on. A diaper bag will only be a necessity for awhile longer. In about a year, my body will belong solely to me (I mean, Brett, too, but you know what I mean)...I don't have to worry about my caffeine intake or avoid sushi or endure a cold because no medicine is approved. Granted, there have been months of this in the last seven years....but not many!
I think back to my early days as a mom. Not that I have arrived, but I have definitely come far. I would not go back to those early days for anything. I love the path God has brought me down. I love watching new moms experience their babies for the first time; it's so magical....but I am happy I have experience now (which they, too, will soon have!). But having the fourth child is also magical. Every "first" is now a "last". The last time I will hold my baby for the first time....drive home from the hospital (I am not allowed to drive, so I usually spend the whole ride home puking--I usually have to drive because I get severe motion sickness--so that is not too magical)...have a MY baby fall asleep on my chest....wonder if I will ever sleep again....fall in love with his first smile....watch him roll over...sit up...eat baby food....crawl....walk....ok, you get the idea :).
Can you tell I am already reminiscing and HE ISN'T EVEN HERE YET!!!! It may be a long year, blog friends. I may cry a lot. Or maybe not. Maybe I will rejoice continually because God has been so, so good to me. I am not sure.
All I know is in one week, we will be a family of six. And I could not be happier, more grateful, more excited, and more ready!!
God is so, so good.