Humility, oh humility, how I do not like to learn your lesson.
The last 2-3 weeks can be summed up in one world: humility.
It all started a few weeks ago. In a group of people, I was laughing hysterically about a time when Brett fell while mopping the floor. I shared how anytime I laugh at someone's expense (he was in the conversation), I always reap what I sow.
And, boy, did I.
About 5 days later, Brett and I had just returned home from a date (our first without Levi!). Long story short, we were chatting with the babysitter. I went to put Levi to bed and stepped on an item on the floor...and while holding Levi, took a bad fall. Because I was trying to protect him, I landed really hard on my shoulder. My shoulder is still jacked up :(.
Then, a few days ago, I slipped AGAIN. This time on water in the kitchen. It hurt my knee pretty bad.
Then, a few days ago, I wrote a goofy post about my love of media and my dislike for reading. I was mostly trying to entertain, while also confessing a major shortcoming. But, apparently, I crossed the line in my mockery (my intent truly was just to be funny, but obviously humor isn't always accurately translated on the internet)....because exactly 6 hours later, Luke threw a toy and broke our TV. Like 100% broke and they will not honor the protection plan (and they also will never get my business again for dishonesty about the protection plan).
Humility (and bye bye TV). (There's goes Honey Boo Boo.)
Also I will be deducting that from Luke's college fund (if he ever has one).
These are some light hearted examples, but there are also deeper ways that God is dealing with my pride. Most of it involves failing. Some of it involves humiliation. All of it is for my good.
I really prefer a Pollyanna type perspective on life (I bet you couldn't have guessed, haha). But sometimes life is hard. The last few weeks have been pretty hard. Not anything earth shattering....and probably nothing compared to what some people experience on a normal basis....but hard for me. God has called me to live a life that feels counter-cultural in many ways, and sometimes that is tiring. Sometimes the high road is a hard road: for example, if we did not feel convicted to tell the truth, we could have lied and gotten our TV replaced. Rather than enjoying this short term gain, I have to trust that God will honor my integrity. (This is a silly example because my integrity is not worth the price of a TV, nor is a TV that important to me.) The point is that life is not always easy. And choosing to follow the Lord in today's culture is not super popular.
But, following Jesus is always always good. Not always easy. But always worth it. Sometimes when I lose sight of the goodness of God and the greatness of following Him, I need to be realigned. I need to be humbled.
I am so desperate, so desperate for a Savior. Lest I think that anything good comes from anyone/anything but God, I have been reminded that trying to live in my own power or apart from abiding in Christ is worthless.
I am so thankful for the ugliness of my heart that has been exposed in recent weeks (which is deeper and more significant than just laughing at people falling or light hearted mocking). I know this means that God is calling me to deeper levels in Him. That is super exciting. I realize that if I want to have a more intimate relationship with God, becoming less into myself and more into Him is of absolute necessity.
This post is getting long. I apologize for the vagueness of some of the things. To clear up, it is nothing major....my marriage is still great; my kids are still awesome....there are just some areas in my personal life that need (and will continue to need) refinement.
God is so good.