After a particularly rough day this week (and exhausted, on top of it), I told Brett, "I know people say I will miss this when they're grown, but right about now, I don't think I will."
Of course, that isn't true at all. In my normal state, I cry at the thought of them leaving for college (and that's still over a decade away) and thank God constantly that my kids are still so little, sweet, and innocent.
But it did cause me to start thinking a little bit about my life. The phrase that stuck out to me was "high cost, high reward".
High cost, high reward: I thought of it in the current state of my life. I earn the right to go to bed every night. There is a not a single day where I do not fall into bed, exhausted. I enjoy my rest immensely because it is earned and it is sacred.
My house is a mess. A complete mess most of the time. Except for when I clean it, and then, it's clean for like 5 minutes. But the amount of fun, laughter, and bonding that takes place in these walls is immeasurable. Even today, Brett said, "This is why you're a great mom: you let the kids do what they want to do even when it makes a huge mess." That comes at a high cost. Yet it yields a high reward.
Our family has tons of fun. We laugh a lot. We snuggle often. We fight sometimes. This life is good. Even in the midst of never ending laundry, too much whining, messy rooms, life is so, so good. It comes at a high cost (mostly of dying to myself) but yields such a high reward.
Then, I think long term of "high cost, high reward": raising four kids is not for the faint of heart. It is a lot of work. But I think of my life 30 years from now. My kids will be grown and have kids of their own. I will have tons of grandkids. My amazing kids will hopefully enjoy one another as adults. We will sit around, reminiscing about their childhoods. We will get to laugh and laugh and laugh.
When I picture that scene, it makes it all so worth it. Keeping that perspective makes the long days survivable. The high cost of raising four kids and taking the road less traveled oftentimes will have been so worth it.