Saturday, October 19, 2013

All The Single Ladies

Brett and I have been together for almost ten years.  We've been married close to nine of those years.

I remember longing to be married soooooooo much when I was close to finishing college, and I felt like I had been single foreverrrrrrrr.  Which is completely laughable now.  I was barely 23 on my wedding day.

However, remember that longing and thinking of many of my friends who still haven't met Mr. Right, got me thinking.  

My single friends (who long for a relationship), there are some things I would like to say to you.

1. The reason you aren't married is NOT because you aren't ready.  You just have not met the right man.  I have heard married people (of course) say things like, "You will meet the right man when you're truly ready for a relationship."  I assure you I had not reached a level of maturity at 23 that somehow qualified me for marriage.  I just happened to fall in love with a guy I knew when I was 22.  If I had not met him until I was 32, I wouldn't be married yet.  But I would still look good in a bikini. (Silver lining.)

2.  When you are completely satisfied in Christ, He will bring the right a myth.   The Lord brought me the right man 10 years ago, and I am still not completely satisfied in Him.  I love Jesus with all of my heart, but I still seek satisfaction from things that aren't Him.....just like every other married person on the planet. It's not ideal, but it's true.  You can want to be married and still love Jesus. The two are not mutually exclusive.  Obviously, I fully support investing your life into following the Lord and seeking satisfaction in Him alone.  But marriage is not something you earn from God.  It's a gift He gives.  

3.  Nothing is wrong with you.  I remember seeing the most awkward, random people in relationships and wonder why no one was remotely interested in asking me on a date.  I would play the "ways I am not enough" game.  Unless I called my Dad.  He would tell me how guys were just intimidated of me because I was too good for them. My dad rules, obviously.  Though his assessment was inaccurate, the truth was I was enough.  And you, beautiful friend, ARE enough.  Your future husband will love all of those quirky things you dream of changing about yourself.  Never ever ever think you are too much or not enough. You are the exact amount of everything God wants you to be.

4.  If you stop looking for Mr. Right, he will come also a myth.  What the heck bogus advice is this?!  I can tell you this: from the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of the man I would marry.  I never stopped hoping/looking/praying for my future husband.  I started dating Brett during my senior year of college when I assure you I was 100% looking for him.  Let me reiterate: if you aren't married (and want to be), it's simply because you haven't met the man yet!  

5.  Being lonely and single is far better than being lonely and married.  Waiting on the perfect-for-you guy is hard, but it's is so worth it.  Marriage is a beautiful relationship.  It has the potential to be the greatest gift (besides Jesus) in your life.  It is also forever.  Forever is a long time with someone that is "good enough" but not the best (for you)!  As long as the days/months/years are, holding out for an awesome guy that complements you is of infinite value.  I am, thankfully, very happily married, but I have many friends who are in lonely marriages.  From what I have seen, that is far worse than being single.    

6.  If anyone says "embrace this season of singlehood", I, hereby, give you permission to punch that person in the face.  OBVIOUSLY, you're living this season to the fullest.  My single friends are moving across the country on a whim, becoming foster parents, working in the mission field, climbing the corporate ladder, educating children, traveling the world, online dating, caring for aging parents, finding new passions, igniting old passions, serving the underprivileged, getting their PhD, mentoring young people, building businesses.  I love seeing my single friends live life to the fullest.  I love that they're not waiting around for a man to fulfill what they feel called to do.  So the next time a married person tells you to enjoy this season, punch them in the face (or gently show them your Facebook timeline to prove you are, in fact, living to the fullest).  


  1. Thanks for sharing. Just had a conversation with a sweet lady. She is in her late 40s and single. Let me tell ya'..... grieving the loss of never been married is also something that single people struggle with. The Church needs to be sensitive to the "grieving process" and embrace them with love and care for them as much as they do for widows! ...holidays, helping with "fixing" things...checking cars...budgeting....taking care of them when they are sick. Anyways.... just a few thoughts.

  2. Wow! You hit the nail on the head. I think that I am too busy to find him right now. I am a single mom who is busy raising a great boy! :) Thanks for this post. funny that my mom is the one who found it for me... she rules!


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