Saturday, September 6, 2014

I Am Living In A Frat House

I posted on Facebook that living with four children and living in a frat house are practically the same thing.  Wonder if I am exaggerating?

I actually have only been in a frat house probably once in my life, but I can just assume what they're like.

Side story: Brett was asked to join a frat in college, so he went to one meeting.  I act like he was the president and very involved in it.....which he loves.  I even made up a chant for the frat.  For some reason, we really like to exaggerate each other's past life experiences.
Brett will tell complete strangers that I was the prom queen at a high school I did not even attend, and that the only reason I even won was because all of the other contestants were pregnant.

I don't know why we do this, but we both seem to find it very entertaining.
(I also often ask him what it's like to come from the harsh streets....because he made the mistake of mentioning to me once that there were gangs in his reality, he definitely grew up in a nice neighborhood).

Clearly, we are mature.

But, I digress.

My FB post came to my mind because I walked by my kids' bathroom, and the delightful smell of pee overwhelmed me.  This wouldn't be such a big deal except for their bathroom connects to the living room, where we do all of our living with friends.  The fact we even have friends that have to use their bathroom is actually a miracle.
(Friends in the Midwest with 47 bathrooms, rejoice!  Approximately $29,000 per square foot for real estate in FL makes for a severe lack of bathrooms, which is a severe problem when 66% of your home is boys....most of which are unable to aim.)

Another side story: when we were newlyweds, I put a basket of books next to our guest toilet (you know, for all of our guests that needed to read while doing their business when they came over for dinner).  Brett told me I needed to get rid of the clearly very tasteful decor immediately because of the aforementioned aim issue (it should be noted he can aim fine.  Which is TMI, but I don't want to defame his reputation).

Because my house growing up had 94 bathrooms, I never shared with my brothers.  So this whole MALES CAN'T AIM thing was news to that's been proven extremely true in my home.

Ok, now for the real point.....of how you could easily confuse my house for a frat house.

- I have the spiritual gift of spending $200 at the grocery store and not actually buying anything.  There have been young children who've commented on my lack of food; that's how much of a problem this is.  The amount of times I've heard, "You just went to the store, right?" is impossible to count. By the end of the week, if you open my fridge, you will find some mustard, a jar of pickles, and dinner leftovers from April.

- In the time it takes me to get dressed in the morning (which is like 53 seconds because I wear work out clothes everyday), my kids apparently throw a raging party....because when I come out, there's spilled syrup, dirty dishes, 12 blankets on the floor, and no one is fully clothed.

- When you walk into my kids' rooms, it may give the appearance that we've just been robbed and ransacked.  Don't worry; they're just hoarders.  I probably have a 5th kid in there somewhere hiding underneath Littlest Pet Shops and Legos.  One would never know.

- A few weeks ago, I rearranged everyone's rooms.  Among the items found under beds: a dead lizard carcass, a rotten apple, and a moldy sippy cup.  We are clearly classy.

I have about 7 more examples, but I feel like if I go on, I will lose all of my friends.
My family is sort of a scene, as it is, so I should probably try to keep the friends we have.

Considering my experience in a frat house has been minimal (I should've asked for Brett's help in writing this given his extensive knowledge), after really thinking through it, comparing my house to a frat house may actually be offensive to my dear frat brother friends.

For that I am sorry.
But not as sorry as I am for my daughter who will grow up thinking urine is what bathrooms are expected to smell like.  Some things should be kept sacred til after you're married and trying to provide quality reading material to your guests.


Thanks for reading! I would love to hear from you!