Sunday, October 5, 2014

Day 5: I Don't Even Know What To Write

When I decided to blog for 31 days straight, I did it to challenge myself.  Since I am not a regular blogger or writer, I knew it would be difficult for me to think of what to write for 31 straight blogs.  I was right: here I am on Day 5, and I have no idea what to write.

To be honest, after writing Sometimes I Suck, I really don't know where to go from here.

These are things I would normally discuss with my BFF over an iced mocha at Starbucks, but I am out of I will just externally process what is on my mind.  Lucky you.  

It has never been (and probably will never be) my intention to blog professionally.  I write when I feel something needs to be said, which is about twice a year.  So to write for 31 straight days is quite a stretch for me.  

Sometimes I Suck was not the most popular blog I've ever written, but it definitely got the most feedback.  The hours following the publishing of that post were so very special to me.  I can't even quite explain it, but in a way I've never experienced, I really valued people's responses.

One of my sweet friends from college even texted to tell me "what you write is really special." (That definitely made my day.)  If I am being honest, nothing about what I wrote felt special....but in listening to people's responses, I realized that there are few voices of humility and honesty...and people seemed to find it refreshing.

As I was processing people's comments on FB (I am on vacation with my parents and kids, so I have a lot of time to do that), I had this overwhelming peaceful feeling.  Once again, I can't even explain it.

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I almost feel like the entire challenge to blog for 31 days was for me to discover my voice in my little corner of the world.  (I will keep blogging the entire month to see what else may come of it.  And because I said I would, and I want to complete my challenge.)

Just in praying through how deeply people's kind responses effected me, I feel like God's call on my life is to be a voice of freedom in this highly competitive, highly vain society we live in.  Admitting my shortcomings (and not even my worst ones, at that) seemed to bring a sense of relief to my sweet readers.  And I loved every moment of knowing I could have possibly made someone breathe a little easier in that moment.

When I started blogging, I openly said that I would only shared the highlights of my life.  I print off my blog as a memory book for my family, and I really didn't want my kids to read negative things about themselves 50 years from now.  I wanted to mostly only capture the fun, awesome times.  The mischievous things they do are hilarious to me, so I, of course, capture those, as well.  But I did not really blog much about the sleepless nights, hard days with toddlers, difficult seasons of life, etc.  I actually try to make it a life habit not to complain much about the bad, so that carried over into my blogging.

Over the last few months (and years), God has changed me in so many ways I cannot even explain it.  Possibly the biggest change is how much He has humbled me (is that prideful to talk about how humble I've become?? LOLOLOL.  Believe me, I still have a looooonnnng way to go).

I didn't really notice how much I had changed until I wrote about how much I suck.  A few years ago, I would have been too embarrassed to admit how much I mess up.  Even when I wrote it, I wasn't sure if I should be so honest.

But I couldn't not be.

Now that I've seen how it gives others the freedom to relax, I don't think I could ever go back.  So you've been warned: for better or worse, honesty and humility have become what matters most to me.  I will probably share more about my personal life (rather than my kids'), but who knows what will happen now that this can of worms is open??  

I don't really know where I will go from here (for the remainder of the month)....probably not the direction I intended to go, that's for sure.  Besides a few blogs I had already written last week to auto-post when I am visiting my sister in NYC (forgive me for not staying totally true to the challenge...but it's my first girls trip in so long I can't even I want to have exactly nothing to think about), I still have a lot of days to fill with whatever comes to mind.

I don't know where we will go, but I am excited you're along for the ride.

Also if you're walking through a difficult season of life or could use some encouragement or just have a thought or question, please FB message me or email me sarahw56 (at) gmail (dot) com.  I would love to talk with you.  Everyone that takes the time to read my blog is someone I consider a friend....and I am always up for chatting with friends :).

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